Why Some Teens Feel Like Giving Up: How Trauma Can Lead to Suicide—and How We Can Help
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| "Depressed Teen" By Daniela211005 - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=74855571 |
Teen suicide is a heartbreaking reality. Many young people who think about ending their lives aren’t just being “dramatic” or “overly emotional”—they’re hurting deeply, often because of trauma they’ve experienced.
What Is Trauma?
Dr. Gabor Maté, a Canadian doctor and bestselling author, explains that trauma doesn’t just mean what happened to a person. It’s more about what happens inside them afterward.
For example:
If a child is bullied, abused, ignored, or made to feel unloved, their nervous system may go into survival mode.
Over time, they may disconnect from their true feelings, feel unworthy of love, or live in a constant state of stress or fear—even if the danger has passed.
Dr. Maté says, “Trauma is not what happens to you; trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”
So when a teen feels hopeless, numb, or overwhelmed, it may not be about just one event. It might be years of stored-up pain, loneliness, or feeling like no one sees or understands them.
How Trauma Can Lead to Suicidal Thoughts
Teens with unresolved trauma often:
- Feel ashamed, broken, or “different”
- Struggle to form healthy relationships
- Blame themselves for things that happened to them
- Feel trapped in their thoughts or emotions
These feelings can build up. If a teen doesn’t feel safe to talk about what they’re going through—or if no adult seems to notice—they may begin to believe the painful thoughts in their head: “I’m a burden,” “Nobody cares,” or “I’ll never get better.”
This is how trauma can quietly grow into suicidal thoughts.
What Can Help?
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, another world-renowned trauma expert and author of The Body Keeps the Score, agrees with Dr. Maté: healing from trauma means helping a teen feel safe, seen, and connected.
Here are a few ways research shows we can help teens heal—and prevent suicide:
1. Trauma-Informed Therapy
Therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), somatic therapy (body-based healing), or trauma-informed talk therapy can help teens process their pain and feel more in control of their emotions.
2. Safe Adult Relationships
A strong, trusting connection with even one caring adult (a parent, teacher, coach, or counselor) can be life-saving. Dr. Maté emphasizes the importance of attachment—the need to feel connected and accepted as you are.
3. Creative Expression
Art, music, journaling, and movement (like yoga or dance) can help teens express things they don’t yet have words for. This kind of expression helps shift trauma out of the body and nervous system.
4. Community and Belonging
Teens who feel isolated are at higher risk. Group activities, peer support groups, or being part of something meaningful (like a team, band, or social cause) can reduce loneliness and build self-worth.
Take-Away Thoughts
Suicide is not about wanting to die—it’s about not wanting to feel the pain anymore. Trauma makes that pain feel endless. But healing is possible. As Dr. Maté and Dr. van der Kolk remind us, the right kind of support—compassionate, consistent, and trauma-aware—can make the difference between despair and hope.
If a teen you know is struggling, the most powerful thing you can do is stay close, stay kind, and help them feel that their story matters—and that it’s not over yet.
Resources:
by Dr. Gabor Maté with Daniel Maté
– Explores how trauma affects mental and physical health, especially in modern Western societies\
.2. When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress
by Dr. Gabor Maté
– Focuses on how unprocessed emotional pain and trauma can impact well-being over time.
3. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
– A foundational text explaining how trauma is stored in the body and how different therapies can help people recover.
The above resources are the three key books used in the above article. They are linked to Amazon through my Associate account. If you purchase through these links I receive a small referral fee that goes to support the articles on this site. You are not charged anything extra. Thank you for your support.
An older article on Teen Depression provides information about the Nedley Community-based Anxiety and Depression Recovery Program that has helped many individuals and famlies. This article about Teen Depression can be found on this site HERE.
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